Are YOU a genius?

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. - Thomas Edison

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Prayer Before Sunday Dinner

Little Johnny and his family were having a Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house.


Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started to eat right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother.

"I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."

[forwarded by Jerry Lambert]

today'sTHOT======================================
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters? : )
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PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com

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MIKEY'S FUNNIES is a clean humor email list, sent every weekday and is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and hosting with a ministry heart:
http://www.agathongroup.com/

06.06: A Career Funny

Mikey's Funnies is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and hosting with a ministry heart:
http://www.agathongroup.com/

today'sFUNNY===========================

It's career day at school and the teacher instructs his students each to stand up, state their parents occupation, spell it and then tell what their parent would do if they were here today.

Little Rodney stands up and says, "My father is an accountant, A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-N-T, and if he were here today, he would help you balance your checkbook".

"Good Rodney." says the teacher, "How about you, Johnny?'"

Johnny stands up and says, "My father is an electrician, E-L-E-K-T, no, no, E-L-E-C-K-T no ....L-E-C-K- no....

The teacher interrupts, "never mind Johnny, sit down, how about you Vinnie?"

Vinnie stands up and says, "My dad's a bookie, that's B-O-O-K-I-E, and if he were here today he'd give you ten-to-one odds that there's no way Johnny's ever gonna spell electrician!"

[forwarded by Steve Sanderson]

givingCREDIT===========================

Last week's Wisdom "Funny" has been attributed to Mother Teresa, however apparently the original was written by Kent Keith. Thanks to reader Lisa O for sending this link that clears it up:
http://prayerfoundation.org/mother_teresa_do_it_anyway.htm

today'sTHOT============================

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

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PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com

===============================

MIKEY'S FUNNIES is a clean humor email list, sent every weekday and is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and hosting with a ministry heart:
http://www.agathongroup.com/


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Copyright 2012 Mike Atkinson | www.mikeysFunnies.com

Senior Blessings


Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you, too. Don't laugh....It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 And heading towards 70 or beyond!


1. Kidnappers are not very Interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, You are likely to be released first.
3. 
No one expects you to run-- Anywhere.
4. 
People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. 
People no longer view you as a
Hypochondriac.

6. 
There is nothing left
To learn the hard way.

7. 
Things you buy now
Won't wear out.

8. 
You can eat Supper at 4 PM. 9. You can live without sex, but not your glasses.
10. 
You get into heated arguments
About pension plans.

11. 
You no longer think of speed limits
As a challenge.

12. 
You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. 
You sing along With elevator music.


14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. 
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. 
Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.

18. 
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
19. 
You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all i
n big print
for your convenience.

Forward this to everyone you can remember right now!
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:

Never, NEVER, 
NEVER, Under any circumstances, Take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on The same night!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Punography

Punography!!!

[NO! This is not a mis-spelling!]

 
I do not enjoy computer jokes . Not one bit .

I changed my iPod name to Titanic . It's syncing now .

When chemists die, they barium .

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl said she recognized me from the
vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore . 

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor .

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.

 A dyslexic man walks into a bra .........

PMS jokes aren't funny, period . [or NO period?]

Why were the Indians here first ? They had
reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery .
I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .

How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection , urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It 
goes back four seconds .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless .

I tried to catch some fog . I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a
n
extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus .

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on .

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .

Velcro - what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .
Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault .

I used t think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too
.

-Contributed by H. Clarke

A Time to CELEBRATE !!! Canada! The U.S.!

Am I An American?

Robin Williams - The Flag

A Funny Thing Happened on the way to ........

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Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

VideoBar

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Some Funny Videos - Like PowerPoint?

Have you ever seen a PowerPoint presentation that was SOOO GOOD, you couldn't take your eyes from it?

On the other hand, have you ever seen one which you couldn't get your eyes open again?

Check some of these out. And if you need help with YOUR POWERPOINT, checkout my PowerPoint Presentations Blog.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this one! Apparently it was done for an English class. I think an A+ would be in order!

The Ballad of PowerPoint [LIKE IT FULL SCREEN?]





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