Are YOU a genius?

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. - Thomas Edison

Monday, May 29, 2017

09.16: A Disagree Funny

Mikey's Funnies is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and hosting with a ministry heart:
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today'sFUNNY===========================

Sal: "You get along so well with just everybody - how do you do it?"
Nat: "It's easy: I never disagree with anyone, no matter what."
Sal: "Oh, that's impossible!"
Nat: "You're absolutely right."
[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]
today'sTHOT============================
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
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PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
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Einstein's Prophecy

(coming soon!)

Seniors it Can Happen to YOU!

Have you ever felt like this, seniors? :)

Thursday, February 18, 2016

It Could Happen to Any of Us!




It could happen to any of us….

This is so funny; I hope you enjoy  it.

$5.37!

That’s what the kid behind the counter at Tim Horton’s said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Lifesaver.  

Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the worst thing anyone has ever said to me.  He said, “It’s OK.  I’ll just  give you the senior citizen discount.”

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in  front of me. 
“Only $4.68.” he said cheerfully.
I stood there stupified.  I am 72 .  A mere child!  
Senior citizen?I took my food and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.
Was he blind?  As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old?  Me?
I’ll show him, I thought.  I opened the door and  headed back inside.
I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!  What am I now?  A  toddler?

“Dude! Can’t get too far without your car keys,  eh?”  I stared with utter disdain at the  keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.

“Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!  It could happen to anyone!”

I turned and headed back to the truck.  I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn’t turn.  What now?  I checked my keys and tried another.  Still nothing.

That’s when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus.  The car seat in the back seat.  Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.  A  partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.  That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!  My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my coffee, only it was nowhere to be found..

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.  All I could think was, “What is the world coming to?”

All I could say was, “Did I leave my food and drink in here”?  At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Assistance benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.  He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, “I think you left this in my truck by mistake.”

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: “It’s OK…  My grandfather does stuff like this all the time.”

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40.  Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.  And no, I told the officer, I’m not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall.  I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.  I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanket.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

Notice the larger type?  That’s for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S.  Save the earth…It’s the only planet with chocolate!!!!!

Puns for Educated Minds

Puns for Educated Minds

Puns for Educated Minds

1. 
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. 
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would

result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall..

the police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

‘Keep off the Grass.’

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from

prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and

pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran..

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18.. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.

In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine .

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,

‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22.. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

one turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

23.. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’

The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Seniors New Alphabet


Seniors New Alphabet



A is for apple, and B is for boat,

That used to be right, but now it won’t float! Age before beauty is what we once said,But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!

F is for farting and fluid retention,

G is for gut droop, which I’d rather not mention.

H high blood pressure–I’d rather it low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend. 

L ‘s for libido, what happened to sex? 

M is for memory, I forget what comes next. 

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; troubles with flow;

V for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know..

W for worry, now what’s going ’round?

X is for X ray, and what might be found. 

Yfor another year I’m left here behind,

Z is for zest I still have– in my mind!

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed,And I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
HAVE A GREAT DAY !

02.28: A Speeding Funny

Mikey's Funnies is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and hosting with a ministry heart:
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ourSPONSOR=============================
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Take advantage of a 10% discount for Mikey's Funnies readers! More info or order here:
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today'sFUNNY===========================
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over, he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts"
[forwarded by Steve Sanderson]

today'sTHOT============================

Text of the times:
Daughter: I love you, Mom!
Mom: Sorry. I have no money. Try it with your dad.
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PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
===============================

MIKEY'S FUNNIES is a clean humor email list, sent every weekday and is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and hosting with a ministry heart:
http://www.agathongroup.com/
We sent you this recurring mailing because you either directly subscribed to the list, signed up on our website, or emailed a request to be subscribed to Mikey's Funnies. We DO NOT rent, sell, or share your email address with any company, organization or individual, sacred or secular. And, subscribing will not result in more spam. We guarantee it!
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Copyright 2012 Mike Atkinson | www.mikeysFunnies.com
























A Time to CELEBRATE !!! Canada! The U.S.!

Am I An American?

Robin Williams - The Flag

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PowerPoint Comedy 1

PowerPoint Comedy - PhD

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

VideoBar

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Some Funny Videos - Like PowerPoint?

Have you ever seen a PowerPoint presentation that was SOOO GOOD, you couldn't take your eyes from it?

On the other hand, have you ever seen one which you couldn't get your eyes open again?

Check some of these out. And if you need help with YOUR POWERPOINT, checkout my PowerPoint Presentations Blog.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this one! Apparently it was done for an English class. I think an A+ would be in order!

The Ballad of PowerPoint [LIKE IT FULL SCREEN?]





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